One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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