even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
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she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
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Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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