she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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