i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's blow job season.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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