i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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