It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
