Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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