He is an equal opportunity slut.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
