Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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