she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
