I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
