It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot