Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle