I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.