Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
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gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?