i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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