why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
