hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
