I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So much rum. So many feels.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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