just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
