I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
