I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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