I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?