I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
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So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.