I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.