What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
