Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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