Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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