Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
