Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
