Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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