was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
