dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
