I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it hurts more in the daytime
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
