Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story