im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.