My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore