We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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