I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
