I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
