all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
