I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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