Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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