Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How was it?

(847): View more from Illinois

Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk

Replies (205) Good night (88652) Bad night (7895)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

only you. it could only happen to you.

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(617): so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it (1-617): only you. it could only happen to you. http://tfl.nu/wr6i

Replies (32) Good night (1233) Bad night (4655)
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(+54): View more from

My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

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(+54): My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed http://tfl.nu/m32v

Replies (30) Good night (8420) Bad night (1259)
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(660): View more from Missouri

what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

(816): View more from Missouri

um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

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(660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla

Replies (11) Good night (8032) Bad night (1238)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job

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(615): What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job http://tfl.nu/r059

Replies (8) Good night (1433) Bad night (757)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I want to take my head off and cuddle with it

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole

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(832): I want to take my head off and cuddle with it (832): Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole http://tfl.nu/jldl

Replies (7) Good night (1215) Bad night (678)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

In some strange universe, yes

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(662): So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores? (1-662): In some strange universe, yes http://tfl.nu/4gql

Replies (7) Good night (1702) Bad night (529)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.

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(403): Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards. http://tfl.nu/sqj0

Replies (3) Good night (1016) Bad night (589)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.

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(314): I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over. http://tfl.nu/eyog

Replies (3) Good night (786) Bad night (1292)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

Not the worst first impression I've experienced.

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(724): Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face. (1-724): Not the worst first impression I've experienced. http://tfl.nu/reln

Replies (3) Good night (795) Bad night (409)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.

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(337): Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay. http://tfl.nu/fteh

Replies (1) Good night (350) Bad night (636)
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(314): View more from Missouri

He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?

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(314): He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left. (1-314): So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home? http://tfl.nu/r5sj

Replies (5) Good night (844) Bad night (361)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces

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(+61): I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces http://tfl.nu/enrv

Replies (1) Good night (679) Bad night (328)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.

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(303): Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary. http://tfl.nu/16rt

Replies (2) Good night (1110) Bad night (367)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.

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(417): I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low. http://tfl.nu/l7at

Replies (4) Good night (309) Bad night (505)

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