she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment