Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.

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  (214): So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open. http://tfl.nu/pz60
  Replies (20) Good night (3978) Bad night (1514)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

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  (775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again. http://tfl.nu/ocrt
  Replies (67) Good night (8383) Bad night (2564)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.

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  (920): So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again. http://tfl.nu/54yy
  Replies (18) Good night (2110) Bad night (6421)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.

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  (763): The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet. http://tfl.nu/fwq9
  Replies (20) Good night (6726) Bad night (1199)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me

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  (256): dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me http://tfl.nu/p9kn
  Replies (21) Good night (3769) Bad night (1287)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.

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  (904): now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis. http://tfl.nu/g1kt
  Replies (9) Good night (1509) Bad night (2487)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle

  (648): View more from

  Since when is drunk an angle?

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  (319): He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle (648): Since when is drunk an angle? http://tfl.nu/dhcr
  Replies (12) Good night (7373) Bad night (1062)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"

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  (210): Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!" http://tfl.nu/xp9i
  Replies (19) Good night (5989) Bad night (1338)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.

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  (206): Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up. http://tfl.nu/qld8
  Replies (3) Good night (1746) Bad night (1036)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.

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  (570): I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem. http://tfl.nu/6woq
  Replies (3) Good night (2877) Bad night (913)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"

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  (905): they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about" http://tfl.nu/sw9a
  Replies (8) Good night (1775) Bad night (760)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?

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  (330): If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve? http://tfl.nu/pwke
  Replies (1) Good night (1058) Bad night (419)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.

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  (505): It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand. http://tfl.nu/gh3l
  Replies (3) Good night (555) Bad night (1283)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon

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  (704): I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon http://tfl.nu/9347
  Replies (0) Good night (382) Bad night (528)
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  (743): View more from

  Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.

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  (743): Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames. http://tfl.nu/fevf
  Replies (1) Good night (631) Bad night (208)

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