All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys