i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.