I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize