I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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