is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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