i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
