dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
