Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize