Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
