You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
