Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake