My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts