Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge