i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
