Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
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I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize