He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
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I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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