I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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