also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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