there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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